So I suppose I should mention why this blog has been started. I touched on it in my first post, but in a more dramatic and deep way that is a tad over the top. I want to provide advice, tips, discussion points, and help for those in the world with my experiences. I hope others can do the same for me. It is easy to find beauty in the world; it is hard to look past the bad to acknowledge it.
I am a 20-year-old college student attending a prestigious university in the midwest. Why am I going to college? To learn shit and get a job. Why do I need a job? To financially provide for my future family. Why do I need a family? I want one and society demands it. I tend to harp on society a lot. The ironic thing? I am apart of society. And I am following right into its norms. I am the white woman attending a college spending an absurd amount of money to achieve good grades. Not to learn. I am not being testing on how much I learned. I am being tested on how well I can test. I do well enough. If you are curious. But as I get older, I find that grades are just a societal demand. What I retain and what I do with that information is more vital in my opinion.
I live with depression and anxiety. I had originally typed the word suffer, instead of live with but I decided to change that. I use to suffer. Now I live with. I began feeling depressed during freshman year of high school. As I look back on it, I think I wasn’t very happy as a middle schooler either but I didn’t really know what depression was. It is kinda nifty to be able to classify sadness in a disorder. Makes me feel better knowing others have it and it is recognized by society….
I am also very sarcastic. I realize that is hard to come across through a blog but obviously I am assuming whatever you read you will understand. So if I tend to contradict myself, that could be why.
I am planning to use this blog to post pictures, papers, funny things, sad things, or just things in general. Honestly, this could sit in the the internet world and never be read by another living soul. That’s fine. As I said earlier, this isn’t for you. It is for me. I also don’t type and form sentences like a junior in college should. I write like I speak. With dramatic pauses and serious tone. My English major roommate would be so appalled. I am pretty sure blogs are also suppose to be used for constructive purposes. Like talking about politics, or the government shutdown. The war in Serbia or Kim Kardashian’s life. Only joking. I don’t keep up with the Kardashians. Ha! Get it? I actually wish I was more in tuned with what was going on in the world. To be able to acknowledge someone else’s suffering apart from my own. But honestly? That is really difficult. Especially when it isn’t currently affecting me. Of course that statement would have political fanatics up in roars because I think the government shut down isn’t affecting me. When my student loans stop coming in and I can’t attend my college anymore, then yes. I will be affected. Until then, society still demands good grades and good preparation for graduate school.
“When you look at your reflection, is that all you want it to be?” This is from RIght Where it Belongs by Nine Inch Nails. Every time I hear this song I think of my mornings. When I look in the mirror and decide who I am going to be that day. Today? Today I am a tired student who is looking forward to a night of McDonals, Netflix, and my Macbook. Simple pleasures in life to keep me going.
Maybe that should be my first advice for those of us LIVING with depression or anxiety. (I say these together because in most, not all, cases people have both, like me). Find the simple pleasures in life. They are different for everyone. I like to sleep. I like chocolate. I like coffee. I like to shower and sit on my bathroom floor wrapped in a towel and write blogs on the internet. To each their own. FInd something that makes you smile today and remember that. Because sometimes, when there is nothing to smile about, a cup of coffee will keep me content. And sometimes that just has to be good enough.